Let me tell you something about my dad. He is a semi-retired dairy farmer, who spends a lot of time hanging out with other semi-retired farmers, helping out at the church, and generally having fun doing whatever it is he does. When he quit farming full time, he bounced around a bit for a few different companies doing things like landscaping, helping out friends when they needed him, volunteering a lot at the church and so on. He eventually started working for an auction company as a ring man. That’s the guy who holds things up and organizes sales ahead of time and does lots of other odd jobs for the company. Basically allows the auctioneer to shine on the night of the sale.
The only problem with being a ring man is that ring men are allowed to bid on things. Thus began the process of Dad bringing home oddities every now and then. He would store them in the barn and bring them out a couple of times in the summer for a yard sale. Then gradually the yard sale became semi-permanent. Then it was moved inside the barn. Eventually he converted the barn into what is essentially a barn-shaped warehouse, where he operates an antiques / oddities / furniture emporium on weekends and whenever else he feels like it. He really enjoys it, and he seems to break even I think.
One day this summer I was back home for a visit, and as I always do, I toured through the barn to see what I could take for my apartment. Usually there’s a couple of odds or ends that would be nice to have. On this particular day, I was oohing and aahing over this desk I wanted to take home with me when I looked down.
On the floor, under this beautiful desk, were eight terrifying lawn gnomes. Snow White and seven dwarves. All were about half-painted. All were missing facial features. All were terrifying. I asked my dad who the hell would ever purchase such monstrosities. Dad just smiled and cryptically said he had plans for them.
When my Dad says something cryptically with a devious little smile on his face, you know something good is about to happen. Something fun. Maybe not to the person it’s happening to, but for everyone else. I pestered him about what he had up his sleeve until he finally told me he was going to prank some family friends when they were on vacation.
I know these two people. The husband is about the same age as my Dad. They go to church together. She sings in the choir, and they’re both retired teachers. He was my teacher in grades seven and eight, and my folks have been friends with them for as long as I can remember. They were guests at my wedding last year. This couple has a lovely home with beautiful gardens and a nice pool in the back yard. They both have wonderful senses of humour and appreciate this type of thing. It was going to be great.
Dad and I spent about half an hour bouncing back and forth with what he should do with these gnomes. Dad wanted to put one in a tree, but they’re pretty heavy. I wanted to put on in the basement, but Dad didn’t have a key. I suggested putting one in a rubber dingy in the pool, but Dad didn’t want to risk damaging the pool. He knew where he was going to put most of them already, but he was trying to place the last few. We don’t know who finally came up with this idea, but we’re both taking credit for it, so you know it’s got to be good.
Dad hid Snow White and Six Dwarves.
